Speak To Me 2: the Wal-Mart story continued

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As soon as I asked the question, “I need to hear it from you. How do you see me?” I started to receive the answer. Sometimes when I ask the Father things, I don’t hear anything–the answers come more gradually, or sometimes seemingly not at all. But on this night, my head was immediately full of phrases and scriptures. I heard, “You are a princess.” I heard, “You are part of my royal priesthood. You wear a beautiful crown.” I heard, “You are my daughter.” I could barely see the light turn green through my tears for me to pull out of the dark parking lot and head toward home.

As I drove, these phrases rolled around in my head and it occurred to me that not one of these beautiful things had to do with how I perform, what I could do, and whether or not I’m doing well. They were all about who I am. The Father was telling who I am to him. How he sees me.

After putting Ellie to bed that night, I excused myself to my bedroom for some more reflection and I opened my Bible to Song of Solomon. Song of Solomon is one of those books I generally don’t think much about, to be honest. It’s a book my first college roommate once said that she wouldn’t let herself read until after she was married. It’s a book that I associate with weddings, and that I’ve heard is allegorical to Christ and his Church, the Bride. But I felt drawn to it; I couldn’t stay away from it.

And eventually I got to Chapter 4, which is the blush-worthy chapter all about the parts of a woman’s body. It’s also the chapter that has this verse, which is the one that brought the tears all over again: “All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you.” There I was, sprawled out on my bed, sobbing, listening to these verses as from a Father to his daughter, as from the Creator to his created thing. He didn’t make any mistakes when he made me. He didn’t do anything wrong. His hands didn’t slip and accidentally make a part of my personality kind of messed up. I’m perfect. And he wouldn’t change a thing.

The story of the restoration of me continues. I don’t have to try to be anyone else because I’m exactly who he made me to be. I don’t have to strive to prove my worth, because all he does is love me and there is no bar or standard to live up to in order to receive that love. I don’t have to shrink back, because I carry everything I need inside me. Christ in me is redeeming all that the enemy has tried to twist and distort and hold under his thumb; Christ in me is revealing and returning what has been robbed, broken, or lost; Christ in me is restoring me to the woman I was originally and perfectly created to be.